Friendships
A lot of people just do not understand cancer, whether its a loved
one or a friend. They want to avoid you because they are afraid of
your illness. Others may worry that they will upset you by saying
the wrong thing. All the books I have read tell me how
some people act and what I should or shouldn't do about it. At a
time when you might expect others to rush to your aid, you are the one who
may have to make the first move.
I have read a lot of stories from cancer
survivors and all express the good feelings that come from the tremendous
support from family and friends and the disappointment when a friend
deserts you at a time when you need them most. One lady tells us
that, sadly, not all friends can offer support. "they're terrified of
losing that person". She goes on to tell us how a close friend
withdrew. "It was heartbreaking", she said, whose friend
has since died. She stated she understood, but it was so, so hard.
Lost friendships are one of the real
heartbreaks people with cancer face.
It took my journey through cancer to
find that my best friend is my wife. Some friends that
weren't close, became closer and a wonderful support. Family
was very supportive and so many friends that showed they cared.
There were, of coarse, a few that fit the description of those described
in the preceding paragraphs. Especially, my closest friend.
I'll call him AH. He did exactly that, he deserted me when I needed
him the most. He came to see me at the hospital, once, and I
haven't seen him since. He called every 3 or 4 weeks. After
the 2nd. call I told him how disappointed I was, in his support. It
changed nothing. I consider it a lost friendship. What he did
is no different than if we were advancing to the front,in a war, and I got
shot. Instead of helping me back where I could be helped, he turned
and ran...a coward.
So, with some help from various books, I am sending
you 10 steps on "How to support a friend". Maybe it
will help someone out there to better support a sick friend or
family member.
1..Learn to listen without judging or offering advise.
2..Recognize that a person with cancer often feels that nobody really
understands what they are going through---except another person with
cancer.
3..Offer compassion, encouragement, and empathy, not pity. And
don't tell me how your uncle died with the same cancer.
4..Don't know what to say? Say nothing, just be there. Women touch
or hug, Men don't go there.
5..Remember that the person with cancer still has the same interests,
whether its discussing world events, hockey, or gossip.
6..Make plans to do something enjoyable together...then DO IT.
Looking forward to something can brighten a difficult day.
7..Get practical: Drop off a dinner; walk their dog, cut the grass,
shovel their driveway. Don't offer...just go do it.
8..If your friend has children, plan to give them a break. Take
the kids to MacDonalds, to see a movie or just playing with them can offer
relief.
9..Recognize that a person with cancer can feel angry sometimes and may
even level some of it at you. Don't take it personally.
10..Staying strong during stressful times, by taking care of yourself,
will help your friend.
So, there you have it "Friendships"
One
Helluva Wait
Anyone who has had an ex-ray that showed an abnormality and then had to await
an appointment for a cat scan can relate to the private hell that one goes
through, during that waiting period. Mine is two months. I've
heard of longer waiting periods. In my case, I lost a
lung to cancer last December. So an abnormality on the other lung
can be a tad shocking. Normal aging aches and pains(I'm over
39) now become a major concern that can be blown out of proportion
and wreak havoc within your mind, if you allow it.
I have read that we don't have to say or think what we don't wish
to. We have a choice in those things, and we have to realize that
and practice using that choice. Just realize that you can
think what you choose. You don't have to pay any attention to those
unwanted thoughts. Knowing all this good stuff, I will never
understand how I can be thinking about my children, and grandchildren, and
be so full of happiness and then its like some bully comes pushing all
those wonderful thoughts aside and replacing them with morbid thoughts of
what the cat scan is going to reveal. There are times that this
bully is so strong that its one heck of a fight to get it out of there
and get those sweet thoughts of living and loving back in my mind again. My
main goal is to stay focused on "today".
This wait brings on another dilemma. Do you share the
news about this concern with your family and friends? In the
beginning, I chose not to. I'm a very positive person, but not
everyone has that ability. The extra burden of a friend, or family,
whose life is again threatened can be just a tad too much to carry,
for some people. It's the uncertainty , the unknown, that creates
havoc in our minds. I have since told my children, and a few
friends. When it is known just what this abnormality is, and what
can be done about it, is when I will share it with others.
Until then, everything is peachy.
Because of my previous articles in our local newspapers, I have made
some wonderful new friends. Ask any of those, waiting for CT
scan, MRI, or specialist appointments what we need most. I don't
think 4-laning "any" highway will be the first suggestion that
will cross their minds. I have had first hand experience with our
health system. Our professionals are wonderful people who work hard,
with what they have. If we only have "one" of any
particular piece of equipment, then the waits are long. People
suffer. I'm sure that, sometimes, with some people, the abnormality
gets worse during this period. It's a travesty to see the
billions of dollars that have been squandered by our government.
Money that could have been well spent to purchase a lot of new
medical testing equipment. Its no sense crying over spilled milk,
but do you think they will learn not to spill any more?
One can not appreciate this dilemma until you have experienced
the wait. We don't think of death until we are faced with it, right?
We take things for granted, until we are threatened with losing it.
But, that's normal, isn't it? It helps to take it "one
day at a time"
Healing
Power Of Positive Thinking
Diana's tumor was so large that a full mastectomy was
required to cut out the cancerous cells. She was 49. When the
surgery was over, Diana's doctor said "We'll become good friends
because we will be seeing a lot of each other" She said it
wouldn't happen. She was not going to spend the rest of her life
looking over her shoulder to see if cancer had caught up with her.
She refused to live in fear. She self-prescribed high doses of
positive thinking and meditated every day. That was 20 years ago!
You can catch her story in the Sept. issue of Canadian Living.
Ann Marie was diagnosed with cancer in her lung, liver and brain.
The surgeon said he could not help her and gave her 9 months. She
walked out of that office and said "The hell with it all, I'm
taking 9 years". Today she is cancer free and well on her way
to a long life, not just 9 years. She had a choice when she walked
out of that office. She could have went home, got her affairs in
order and waited. She chose to live. She chose to
"beat" cancer. She did. She is my inspiration and
support.
Dorothy, in her young 70's, has tumors on both lungs. She
is taking a new type of Chemotherapy. The tumors are shrinking.
What is extra special about this lady is that its her 4th. fight with
cancer in 17 years. She will win this one too. She reminds
me to take life "one day at a time" and will be the first
to tell you not to worry...be happy. Have a cup of tea and a
bun.
These are just three people that developed their own body/mind
connection. There are centers, in various cities, that specialize in
this field and the medical profession is taking a second look at its
advantages. We have nothing in
Sudbury
,
presently, but I'm just warming up. We don't have a support
group for people "living with cancer". I'll get it
going. If you are interested, call me. People have a need to
talk about their fears and need to hear of other peoples experiences.
We are inspired by each other.
Positive Thinking does not mean we deny we have an illness.
It doesn't mean pasting on a smile and repressing our fears. The
most important thing is to learn how to live our lives, not only in spite
of our fears, but in a fuller, more present way because of them.
That same book tells me that fear can be a wonderful teacher of love.(I
have yet to figure that part out?) Inspiring people
are important to me. So is my being an inspiration to others.
I'm told there is a wonderful article on Positive Thinking in the Sept
27th. issue of Newsweek. I can't wait to read it.
I don't consider us "cancer survivors". We
"beat" cancer. And with the continuing support of people
like Ann Marie, Dorothy and the many other new friends I have made,
through this journey, we will continue to help others beat cancer.
And we can never express the gratitude that all those wonderful people at
the cancer centre deserve.
Keep your stick on the ice
Six
Months to Live
(One Day At A Time?)
If you, or I, were told that we had six months to live how
would we handle it? Anyone that has had a brush with
cancer, or any serious illness, can relate to having those thoughts at one
time or another during their journey to wellness.
My wife, and I, talked about it briefly. She said she
would max all the credit cards, shop til she dropped. I told
her that wasn't funny because I would get stuck with the bills. Well, we wouldn't
have to worry about cholesterol. Don't obey yield
signs? Stomp the Eveready Bunny? Better still, stomp
Barney, that purple dinosaur. But seriously, how would you
handle it?
Now I don't usually talk about death. I don't like winter
and I don't talk about that either. It's coming, it is one of
the four seasons and I will ease into it. I have no choice, its
either make the best of it or fight it until spring arrives.
But , yesterday, my friend Alice was told just "that".
"You have six months!" So it got me wondering, how
is she going to handle it? "If it were me, how would I handle
it?" First of all, are they sure? Maybe get another
opinion? Wasn't there a recent newspaper article on a fella, given
six months to live, that's been dying for nine years?
Your belief, about what happens after life, can play a major role
in the acceptance of death. I believe in life after
death and that it will be a better life. That transition, from
this life to the next, can be comparable to what it was like moving
from teenager to adult life. No way did I want to grow up(my
wife is the first to say, I never have) but once I got here it wasn't so
bad. Well that's ok about the death part. But what
about the living part, until death, in the meantime? How would
I "live it"? We would all handle it our own way.
I would certainly not want to behave in a manner that would
burden those around me.
When first diagnosed with cancer, my first thoughts went to my
grandchildren forgetting me. So I would have to say that
the ultimate best would be to hold them tight, every opportunity, and know
that life is not ending, it is renewing itself. I have a life rich
in loving family and friends. My property has beautiful trees, some
wildlife and lots of birds. I love music and would continue to dance
alone(when nobody is watching). Family, music and friends would be my
daily essential activity. This would certainly be a beautiful
way to spend each day. (So why don't I practice living those
type of days, now?.....Darned if I know, but I try) I'm sure
there would be dark moments, or days, during that period. And yes, I
would get afraid. But mostly, I would fear having my family see me
diminish physically. And I would fear most that I will not be able
to hide this fear. And I would wonder if I made a difference.
So, today, choose to live a life that matters, because;
What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built;
Not what you got, but what you gave.
What will matter is not your success, but your significance.
What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.
What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage
or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your
example.
What will matter is not your competence, but your character.
What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how
many people will feel lasting loss when you're gone.
What will matter is not your memories, but the memories
that live in those who loved you.
What will matter is not how long you will be remembered,
but by whom, and for what.
Living a life that matters doesn't happen by accident.
It's not a matter of circumstances, but a choice.
Life
Threatening Illness, A Teacher Of Love?
When your life is threatened by an illness, it doesn't take long to realize
the important people, and appreciate special moments, in your life.
In my case, it was cancer;
It's been one year since I heard those dreadful words, "You have a
five centimeter mass in your right lung". Since then it
has been a run of wonderful moments, and there have been some
anxious ones too. Cat scans, x-rays, surgery, chemotherapy,
quarterly follow up examinations, a nodule appearing on my only lung, a
tumor on my femur and, last, a PET scan in Hamilton. That PET
scan confirmed that I am cancer free. And even though
cancer was beyond my control, my response to it was not. I
feel there is a purpose to all I have experienced.
I have made some new friends, and become closer to old ones.
Especially those who have had cancer. Rita and Brenda, whom I have
never met, called or wrote me. I hope they are well, I think of them
often. Each one of us will continue this journey, of
uncertainty, in our own way. Jim walks and ski's and keeps fit.
Betty Ann also walks, and spends a good deal of her time with her
grandchildren. Milly is starting her chemo for new tumors. Ann
Marie is a working girl. Dorothy helps out at the cancer center.
The survival stories appearing in our local newspapers are an inspiration
to others, especially to those just getting their own diagnosis.
Just some of those wonderful moments are, forever, burned into my
memory; The nurse in the operating room wearing a surgical mask,
whose eyes showed such compassion and caring. My 4-yr. old Shaelyn,
taking my face in her little hands, looking me in the eye and saying,
"Oh Poppy I love you". 10 yr. old Cordell telling me he
feels so much better when I'm around. 6 yr. old Caitlin and 4 yr.
old Riley showing such excitement over our "nature
walk" or "sleepover". My black
Labrador
retrievers eyes, when she knows we are leaving her at home, that say
this really sucks ya know. Working in the bush and stopping to watch
snowflakes fall. Hearing the words, "I love you" from my
family. I don't miss an opportunity to relish most things I
took for granted.
It doesn't matter who I talk with, we will "all"
tell you that our anxious moments come from every little new ache or pain.
When an abnormality shows up on an x-ray; Waiting for a follow-up
cat scan; You are the last appointment, for the results, in a
crowded hallway and the doctor is running behind. Some have
told me that it will never change. As long as I live I will have
these anxious moments. I have written that I refuse to live my life looking
over my shoulder to see if cancer has caught up with me. And I
still feel that way. Anxious "moments" I can handle, but I will
not succumb to living a life of fear. My emotional power comes from
talking with people who inspire me, and from reading. The
things I have learned, that help prevent/cure cancer, are amazing.
I follow these daily, as much as I possibly can.
Being positive is my first line of defense. Our Health system
has been studying the affects of the power of the mind to heal.
Learning to meditate/relaxation helps boost my immune system.
They cannot tell me, these things work, because they have not studied
it yet. But, from all my reading sources, I believe it does.
Flor-Essence, an Ojibway remedy that has been known to cure cancer, is
another means of keeping the odds in my favor. A Banana, in the
morning, has too many advantages to list. An apple(peel on) in the
evening because it has cancer fighting ingredients. Green Tea at
noon
, when I can. These reading sources state
it should be announced that green tea cures/prevents cancer, but of
course, our Health system must study it first.
The book "The Power of The Mind To heal" by Joan
Borysenko is a continuous source of emotional power for me.
I walk and work out, at least, 5 days a week. It is paramount to
my physical, and mental, well being. And then, of course, their is
diet. And that is where I falter. But, I "will"
succeed. Being addicted to grease just makes it harder. "Praise
the lard".
Negativity
Being negative, I think, has got to be a "chosen" disease.
You know, those people that see the glass as half empty? I have no
patience for these types. I, sometimes, allow them to annoy me and
ruin part of my day. You'll notice I said "allow"?
That's because I have a choice, I can walk away...sometimes: But
there are those people that must tell you their stories and
there are occasions when I have some trouble shaking it off. It is
beyond me, why anyone has a need to tell me about another person who died
with the same life threatening illness that I had. I can only hope
they, themselves, don't get a life threatening illness because
they would be already..gone. I like the words of one
survivor, "If you already give up on your diagnosis, cancer
might as well have already won, because if it's beaten you at that point
then there's not much left to go with."
Although cancer is behind me now, I still like to hear about those
people that have beaten it and are living healthy/normal lives today.
That's right, Life-Affirming stories, not the one about the person
who died.
If you are newly diagnosed with cancer, it is important that your Health
Care Team be Life-Affirming. I have learned that when we
become a patient, all our senses are focused on getting information that
has to do with staying alive. We are really focused on that goal.
When any information relevant to survival is presented, our mind just
soaks it up. Your team leader is the physician. All
those wonderful people that make up the team play just as
important a role as the physician. A casual affirmation, from the
person cleaning around your bed, can be an effective hypnotic
suggestion that can carry as much weight as any other member of the
team.
It is the upmost importance that the "whole" health care team
know that their slightest word, gesture, or facial expression sinks
directly into the mind of their patients as an indirect hypnotic
suggestion. Make it a Life-Affirming suggestion.
Having a positive attitude is an asset because every
situation, properly perceived, becomes an opportunity to heal. I'm including
a silly little story about a frog. But, when you read it, you will
enjoy the significance of it. So, be a FROG.
There once was a bunch of tiny frogs,..... who arranged a running
competition.
The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.
A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on
the
contestants... The race began...
Honestly: No one in the crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would
reach
the top of the tower. You heard statements such as: "Oh, WAY
too difficult!!"
"They will NEVER make it to the top." or: "Not a chance
that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"
The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one... Except for those,
who in a
fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher...
The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will
make it!"
More tiny frogs got tired and gave up...But ONE continued higher and
higher
and higher... This one wouldn't give up!
At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except
for the one
tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!
THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one
frog
managed to do it?
A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to
succeed
and reach the goal?
It turned out... That the winner was DEAF!!!!
The wisdom of this story is: Never listen to other people's tendencies
to be
negative or pessimistic...because they take your most wonderful dreams
and
wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!
Always think of the power that words have. Because everything
you hear and read
will affect your actions!
Therefore: ALWAYS be..POSITIVE! And above all: Be DEAF when people tell
YOU
that you cannot fulfill your dreams!
It
Ain't Over Til It's Over
What do I say to a friend, who is in a palliative care room,
when she gets the news that she will not be coming out of there.
When I see her eyes glass over and a tear fall, I don't think
there is another moment, in my life, when I have felt
so helpless. The frustration was overwhelming.
I was quick to remember that all I need to do is listen and just be there
for her. But I can't help feeling that there must be
something I can do, or say, that will change the outcome. Of course
the first words rolling off my lips are "You're not giving up are
you?" She answered, "Of course not."
But I wondered if the words were for her, or just to shut me up.
Because if she wants to give up, that is entirely her choice.
When I was recovering from surgery, my favorite story was about
Sherry Abbott. She had been diagnosed with a rare form of ovarian
cancer. The primary tumor was the size of a grapefruit and there
were three inoperable tumors behind her heart and intertwined around her
aorta. The disease had also spread to her lymphatic system.
They told her she would not see the new year, 3 months. (Hey, that's
enough bad news to make most people bend over and want to kiss their tushi
goodbye, right?) Not Sherri. She got into the Healing Journey
Program and also practiced expecting positive outcomes and found ways to
participate in her own recovery and wellness. She got into
Relaxation, Visualization and Meditation. That was in 1989, folks.
She went on to ride her own Harley. You may be able to find her
story, and a lot more I'm sure, at www.lookgoodfeelbetter.ca.
Remember Rockin Ronnie Hawkins, the country rock singer?
He was diagnosed with terminal cancer and given a short time to live.
He agreed to have a TV camera follow his last days on earth. Ronnie
decides to have a live wake. Yup, why not have all his friends
together for a party so he could enjoy them, instead of them looking down
at him in his casket. Well I'll tell ya, I can't relate the
whole story, that's exactly what he did. He then participated in
meditation and relaxation, had a lot of friends praying for him and
also allowed two healers(of some sort) to do their thing from far away.
Some day I'm going to make it a point to get the whole story.
Because of his past lifestyle he became flat broke. The camera still
followed him every day(even to the outhouse cuz the water pipes froze in
the house). Every day he got better, instead of worse. Doctors
could not understand it, tests showed the cancer was gone. He has,
since, cut another album. What if he had given up? I
think it would have been over for him.
My friend, Dorothy, who has fought with cancer four times relates
a story a little closer to home. A friend of hers diagnosed
with cancer on her brain was told it was terminal and that it
wouldn't be long. Well helllooo? She sells her home, her
car, gets her affairs in order and moves in with her son, to await the
big event. Sheesh, she even gave away her cat.
That was almost four years ago?
It is, entirely, ones own decision to give up when they are told
they are going to die, like these three people were told. But, for
me, that poses another question. When does one let go?
I don't think we should ever give up. Those people were
told they would die very soon. They did not give up. There is
shear determination and then we can never rule out miracles.
It ain't over til it's over.
A
Different Cancer
How many times have we opened our newspapers and saw, in
the obituaries, a young persons life has ended. It may have been
from cancer, heart disease, or an accident. And we thought how
tragic it was and went on with life. But when it happens to a
young friend, you just don't "go on" with life. Your life
will, forever, change.
A tragic car accident claimed the life of a young
friend, Chris. Thoughts went through my mind like,
why didn't I talk with him longer when I saw him last? Why
didn't I play more golf with him? Why, why, why? He will be
missed by all who knew him. But Chris doesn't hurt anymore and will
be driving his ball off a greener tee.
What is left behind is a form of cancer...Grief; To
lose an older family member, to the normal cycle of life is
one kind of grief. But, there can be no greater sadness than to lose
a son/daughter. Andy and I spoke of it today when we
learned that Chris was gone. We are suppose to go first, before
our children, not them before us. And when it happens to a child of
a friend, I can't help but think "what if?". These
horrible thoughts come rushing to mind, "What if it were one of
my children? How would I go on? How would I live?"
I am a strong advocate of the power of the mind to heal
and what can be accomplished with positive thinking.
I feel this way of thinking can change the outcome of any
disease, not just cancer. If you can picture a teeter totter, with a
big cancer weight at on end. The other end has got several weights,
each one smaller that the cancer weight. One is the body's own
ability to fight disease, the second is modern medicine and the third
being the power of the mind. These three tip it in our favor.
But there is another weight that plays a major role in achieving
success.....Family/Friends.
I would be a fool if I truly felt I beat cancer all by
myself. My family and friends played a huge part in my victory.
Lisa reminded me that without my friends I would not have done as
well as I did. And she is right.
Nancy
tells me that I have no idea how many people were praying for me, the day
of my surgery. During my recovery from surgery and my subsequent
journey to wellness, I had some rough days. A phone call, an e-mail
or a friend dropping by was enough to pick me up and look ahead.
E-mails/phone calls that came in from
Vancouver
Island
or from
Newfoundland
were the glue that held me together. And thanks to you, my friends
and family, I made it. My private nurse, my beautiful children and
grandchildren, my love is beyond words that was not as near the surface
as it is today...because of Chris.
Now Al, Liz, Valerie and Drew have their own journey to wellness.
I cannot think of any journey that a family must take that will require
stamina, as much as this one. Never will the support of
friends, and family, be as important.
A young friend, Denyce, wrote me that; Cancer cannot cripple
love, it can't shatter hope, corrode faith, it can't destroy peace.
It can't kill friendships, suppress memories, invade the soul and it can't
steal eternal life. With the loving support of friends, and family,
Grief won't do it either. Goodbye Chris.
One
Day At A Time
Gilbert was diagnosed with lung cancer, similar to the
cancer/surgery I had. Just hours before his surgery he
complained of headaches. A cat scan showed brain cancer.
His lung surgery was cancelled. His journey to wellness would have a
few more bumps in the road. Radiation sessions, chemotherapy
sessions and then his surgeon will re-evaluate. It's like
getting the wind knocked out of you. He started reading "The
Healing Journey" , taking Flor-Essence and when I saw him, a month or
so later, he looked great and felt great. He said those words I hear
a lot, "Why do we have to get cancer to learn all these wonderful
things about living?"
I saw him, again, months later. Although it was a
beautiful hot day, he was wrapped up like it was February. He
was lying on the swing looking like someone had stolen his
last candy. His first words were, "How can I stay positive when
I feel like I'm dying?". We sat while he told me
what had caused him to feel so awful. I could only tell him that
when I had days like that, I reminded myself that it would pass. We
reminded each other how important it is to take it "One Day At A
Time". We drank in the beauty of his
surroundings, felt the sunshine on our faces and watched Connie
working in the yard. And that's what bothered him the most, he
didn't have the strength to help her.
I can't think of any phrase that packs so much meaning.
"One Day At A Time". Sounds pretty simple
doesn't it? Yet I need regular reminders. There is a poem
Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow that goes, in part: Yesterday with its
mistakes and cares, its faults and blunders, its aches and pains has
passed forever beyond our control. Tomorrow with its possible
adversities, its burdens, its large promise and poor performance is also
beyond our immediate control. That leaves Today. Anyone can
fight the battles of just one day. It is only when you and I add the
burdens of those two awful eternities- Yesterday and Tomorrow that we
break down.
I often say I will not live my life looking over my shoulder to see if
cancer will catch up with me. There are times, though, that a part
of my mind seems to want to dwell on the "what if?" If I
allow this kind of thinking to continue it can, quite easily, make a
mountain out of a molehill. I have learned, through reading, that I
am in control of what I think. Even though negative "what
if" continues to invade my thinking, I acknowledge it then let it go.
I have read that "Negative emotions boil down to anger, and if we
don't learn to express it and move on, we have a heaviness of the soul.
We are not really living each day, expecting positive outcomes. We
are creating our own problems, making ourselves physically,
psychologically and emotionally sick. But if we take better care of
our selves by managing our emotional health, we can take better care of
others." Doing it One Day At A Time, makes it attainable.
Anyone who doesn't appreciate how the mind wants to wander off on its
own, should try sitting still for three minutes. Close your eyes and focus,only,
on your breathing.(Don't breath any different) Just pay
attention to each breath and how your chest/belly rises. And when
that little voice says "there is nothing to this", realize the
mind has already wandered. Try staying with the breathing for
the three minutes.
I have really experienced the benefits of taking it One day at a time.
It really works for me. The other evening I watched our
Labrador Retriever, Samantha, laying on our deck She had her legs
crossed, as ladies do, and she slowly looked at our surroundings.
She paused at each tree, each bush, the birds at the feeder.
There was an air of peacefulness. As she sniffed the air, I couldn't
help but think she was saying, "Now this is life as its meant to
be". It was a very spiritual moment we shared
and I thought, yes, this is what it is all about. It's how I feel,
today, at this moment. Today is made up of special moments, is
it not?
I don't think I would feel differently if it were another type of illness.
Mine was cancer. Yours might be heart, kidney failure, chronic back
problems or who knows what. We can appreciate not
being in control, wholly, of what happens to our bodies, But, we
are in control of how we react to it. That same poem
says; That leaves it not the experience of Today that drives us
mad, it is the remorse or bitterness for something which happened
Yesterday and the dread of what Tomorrow may bring. Let us,
therefore, live but one day at a time.
Attitude
Change
When cancer struck, I was in the best shape of my
life. I was walking 5 miles a day, working with weights and was
down to a muscled 195 lbs. My regiment was nearly nonstop. Gardening,
landscaping. under-brushing, felling trees, golfing, socializing were
all part of any given day. All labors of love. Removal
of my right lung with 2 months of recovery, then 4 months of
chemotherapy robbed me of all muscle mass. It took
another 8 months to rebuild myself. This past FEB. I
was at 220 lbs. Too heavy for a man my height, with both lungs.
I increased the walks, the workouts and backed away from the table.
Spring arrives and I get back to my old, nonstop, regiment.
I lose 20 lbs., and feel good, only to have it all come crashing
down.
I crashed physically, and mentally. It was a fatigue
like no other. It was as bad as the fatigue during
chemotherapy, but it had its own uniqueness. It brought its own set
of symptoms, its own mental retardation that set of a flood of
"what if's the cancer is back". It was like being in a fight
with a much stronger opponent. My being
"stronger" wasn't going to cut it. I had to be
"smarter" to win. It took me two weeks to recover.
Well meaning friends remind me I'm 60. I say, so what, I'll
live now and age later. Considering, though, I am getting
older and with chronic bronchitis in my remaining lung, I need to make lifestyle
changes.
Many years ago, I kept an article that featured
"Twelve Prescriptions for the Millennium" by American
Jesuit missionary, Robert Ronald. Now, I need to put all these
rules to practice. It's the best prescription I have ever had.
I don't feel these rules are just for aging. After
"any" critical illness we need to adjust to our bodies
limitations.
Rule 1; Look your troubles in the eye. Problems not faced do not go
away. Life is a roller coaster of ups and downs. Anticipate
each dip, and prepare for it.
Rule 2; Never say you can't, but do say you won't. Neither be so
discouraged that you quit, nor so stubborn you won't stop. Troubles
come sooner and last longer for those who wear themselves out.
Rule 3; For whatever you can no longer do, substitute something else.
There is nothing more refreshing than a good nap, as long as it's
followed by waking up. Find a way to slow down without stopping.
Rule 4; Don't hide. If you want your special needs attended to, you
have to make them known. Do not be ashamed of your limitations.
Rule 5; Claim your rights and privileges, such as the right to refuse to
eat more, the privilege of resting and pacing your activities, the right
to assistance, the privilege of cutting back on your work, and so on.
Rule 6; Be humble enough to accept help, and proud enough to ask for it.
Do not be ashamed to ask for what you need. Accept help graciously.
Rule 7; Always offer a helping hand and a comforting ear. Stay
interested in the world around you. Concern for others lightens your
own concerns.
Rule 8; Put anger, sadness and regret behind you. It's perfectly OK
to feel anger at the pain and distress of growing old. It isn't OK
to stay angry. It's perfectly OK to mourn the closing of chapters in
your life. It isn't OK to mourn the rest of your life. It's OK
to regret all things you could or should have done differently. It
isn't OK not to forgive yourself or others. Don't let your anger
today spill over into tomorrow. Look back without regret, and
forward without dread.
Rule 9; Always look for the bright side. We win or lose by how we
interpret and react to everything that happens. Winning is rejoicing
in what you have left. Losing is seeing only what you have lost.
Rule 10; Take every day as it comes, and give it all
you've got. The thing to be afraid of is not what you fear, but
letting the fear keep you from going on.
Rule 11; Enjoy what each day brings. Be open
with wonder and excitement to new experiences, even those that come with
decline. Enjoy the ride down, even when you know there is no going
back up.
Rule 12; Stir up the tiger in your tank. Your
body will still be the same old jalopy, but life will have more oomph and
satisfaction.
I'll use these rules to adapt with aging, with changes that were brought
on by cancer and I'll do it One Day At A Time. A lot of
my friends did not get the privilege.
Prostate
Cancer
A younger
friend of mine, calls me to say he has Prostate Cancer. He was very
emotional. I give him my usual advice about Positive Thinking and
that cancer can be beat and not to write himself off. It was later
in our discussion that I find, he had not only
"not" reached the oncologist stage but was basing his diagnosis
on a blood test that revealed his Prostate-Specific Antigen(PSA) was
moderately elevated. He had been experiencing abdominal pain,
trouble urinating, frequent night trips to the bathroom. Of course
he knew nothing about the prostate, how it enlarges as you age, what to(or
not) eat/drink that affects it or what causes it to become inflamed.
But he had heard all about Prostate Cancer. Funny isn't it, the
mere mention of PC, how so many men are ready to bend over and kiss
their tush goodbye.
I had just
turned forty when I first experienced the symptoms of an enlarged
prostate. Like my friend, I knew nothing about the prostate and, of
course, it wasn't talked about over a beer or two. I was referred to
a neurologist and after various tests and years of prescription drugs
after each flare-up, the suggestion that I go through this(or that surgery)
procedure. Removal was even mentioned, and that was long before I
turned 50. I took my health into my own hands. I learned all I
could about the prostate, how it works, what causes it to become inflamed
and what alterative medicines would help. When I became more
knowledgeable, the first thing I did was switch to a neurologist that
had kept up with advances in his field. Today, 20 yrs.
later, my prostate is still with me and at a reasonable level of
health.
My
neurologist plays a major role in keeping a watchful eye on my
prostate with yearly "digital and PSA" tests. But it is my
responsibility to insure it stays healthy. Prescription drugs is not
something I use anymore. I take a daily alternative medicine(Saw
Palmetto) that keeps my prostate healthy, and I am aware what
food/liquids can affect its level of health. I got most of my knowledge
from a book
" Mayo Clinic on Prostate Health".
I have
learned that levels of PSA can rise with Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia(BPH),
an age related enlargement, and from Prostatitis( an inflammation) and
that these increased levels are not necessarily indicative of cancer.
Books tell me that vegetables and fruits are loaded with vitamins,
minerals, and phytonutrients that guard against cancer. We all know
that "prevention" is the key. Should I develop prostate
cancer(God forbid), these same books tell me that prostate cancer is a
chronic disorder that can be managed without jumping into aggressive and
invasive measures. Most men(in the past, before PSA testing)went to
their graves with no inkling that their prostates harbour cancerous cells.
Should Prostate
Cancer ever be diagnosed, most books tell me that rarely
are any treatments more affective than "Watchful Waiting,"
or simply observing the course of the disease without taking any
aggressive action. Watchful Waiting doesn't mean doing nothing.
Most Health practitioners recommend "aggressive watchful
waiting"; a comprehensive program of safe, noninvasive therapies that
target general health, boost the immune system and specifically target the
prostate.
It is so
important we take charge of our health
HOPE
My brother could not understand why his co-worker( who had been diagnosed
with terminal brain cancer) would travel all the way to another province
to try a different treatment to, possibly, save his life. After all,
terminal is terminal. I reminded him about his favorite
"old" car that the mechanic said was just worn out. Now,
he loved that old car and when he heard about this crackerjack
mechanic in another part of town it didn't take long for him to bogey on
over there. This crackerjack fixed his old car......would you not do
the same for yourself??
This same brother, who was a tremendous support throughout my battle with
cancer, wasn't really a strong advocate of the Power Of The Mind and this
created some heated e-mails between us. One e-mail, his exact words
were; "You're not looking at reality at all. You think that all
cancer patients, if they are positive, will survive. That's not
reality. That's Hope!!!"
Last night I attended a monthly "Support Group" meeting,
"People Living With Cancer". Hope was one of the
topics. One lady wrote that there are others that seem to feel
a responsibility to puncture your hopes. When they say your dreams
are false from which you must be protected. God forbid anyone should
go around entertaining false hope. But in a sense, what other kind
of hope is there? There is a worse scenario than false hope.
It is no hope.
Hope is willing to take a chance on the future. And who is audacious
enough to say what the future will bring. Hope is the ability to see
something on the horizon, that we are willing to move forward. If
our hope gets us from today to tomorrow, and in that new day we are ready
or able to deal with something we thought we could not face, then hope has
done it's job.
One
new friend, through cancer, called me her "Cancer Buddy". We
try to be there to help each other through the rough times.
There are lots of us who are willing to share our hopes and dreams and how
we got through it. We learn from each other. We support each
other. If you are going through surgery, chemotherapy, radiation or
you have already beat cancer then come on out and join us. And
bring your spouse, the caregiver. We meet the third Wednesday
of every month, at the Canadian Cancer Society building, on
Regent...670-1234
We
remind ourselves of the frog, who was deaf, and was able to climb to the
top of a building when all around him people kept telling him it was
impossible. Don't listen to those who would puncture your hopes,
your dreams. And stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, It's
when things seem worst, that you must not quit.
Veterans
Never before have I become so overwhelmed with remorse, so full of
appreciation for our war dead...our veterans. This weekend we
watched young soldiers display their training, in competition, at the
Highland Games in Maxville On. Seeing our flag high in the sky,
arrive with a skydiver reminded me that young men/women, like
those competing, died so I could stand there, free, and watch the games
without fear of attack.
The Glengarry Games were celebrating the Year of the Veteran.
The competitions were entertaining, people were friendly, the bands were
wonderful, the younger people participating and "all"
walked tall and proud. Fallen comrades in our police force were
honored, especially the four young RCMP recently killed out west.
Some veterans, that were present, were held in high esteem and on
parade for us to thank.
Over the years I have attended some Remembrance Day ceremonies, wore my
Poppy , but never felt the deep respect I experienced at these
games. Mind you, 65 massed Pipe bands may have been instrumental in
conjuring up some of the visions I experienced. There is no sound,
on earth, that can stir emotions like the bagpipes. But I like to
believe my vision of soldiers marching away into the
sunset, and smiling at me, were real enough that I whispered "Thank
You". I felt they heard me, saw my eyes water over, and
understood my gratitude.
Still, today, our young soldiers continue to go where they are
needed. And as their commander recently reminds us, they are not toy
soldiers. They will bleed and some will die. Not a nice
thought for their Moms & Dads. We may not always agree
with the reason they are sent to various parts of the world, but we can
all pray for their safe return. Then they can continue to
march and compete in various games and hold their heads high.
Like cancer, war and terrorism can be prevented. Together,
we must leave no stone unturned until we find the cure .
We only need to look at that eighteen year old in our neighborhood and
visualize him/her going off to war to protect the freedom we so take
for granted. Those teenagers from 60 years ago, who went off
to war, are now in their 70's and 80's. I'm sure they have
never forgotten. We must never forget. We
must always be thankful.
I copied these words off a sign that was erected, at the games;
"So slowly their numbers dwindle. Until now they are just
a few. So take time while you have the chance. To thank
a Veteran of World War II." I know I
will.
Then there are these words from a song; For
the life we all know There's debt we all owe
To the vets; some with us today For
the price they have paid The risks
that they made Are greater than any
may say.
Play pipers play In your
own special way
Our thanks to our daughters and sons There
is peace; there is power Any day; any hour
, Sight and sound of the Pipers and Drums.
Anger
When I was given the news about my cancer, I experienced anger.
Why didn't I have a chest x-ray last year? If my physician
had suggested an x-ray last year, I would have caught the cancer
sooner. What is wrong with this health system, that I have to
insist on a chest x-ray? Why did I smoke for so many years?
Why me? This wasn't in the plan, I don't deserve this.
Why, why, why?
Getting cancer created a lot of anger and resentment,
and I didn't need books to tell me it wasn't good. The
lessons I have learned, through dealing with cancer, have taught me that
it was in my best interest to deal with this anger. I
needed to forgive. Now, forgiveness has never been one of my
strengths. Most likely I would forget long before forgiveness for
the wrongdoing. Of course, no story about anger
would be complete without mentioning old "damaged" friendships.
How many friendships have we known, that had
longstanding resentments and neither person remembered the
cause? One of them dies and the other is left alone, saying,
"Why didn't I....???, It was such a waste. Two words," I
Forgive", would have healed the friendship." Do we
really want to wait until one of us is dead to forgive? I have
since learned that we become stronger when we forgive. Forgiveness
cuts our losses short. It enables us to let go and move on.
Any critical illness is a frightening situation that can
cause anger and resentment . I experienced these two,
profound, emotions. We have a right to feel them. A
friend had a lump missed on a mammogram. A friend who never
smoked, gets lung cancer. A botched surgery caused, another, chronic
pain. Any person on a health care team who lacks a
life-affirming attitude will, always, anger me the most. We
have our reasons. And it was perfectly OK, for me, to
be angry. But it would not be OK that I stayed
angry.
I have made a lot of new friends, through cancer.
Some still hurting, from anger and resentment, and It pains
me to see them consumed by it. Anger is a cancer, in
its own right, that can also affect everyone dear to us.
Resentments, like cancer, have a better chance of healing when it
is taken care of in its early stages. Nursing anger
serves no purpose. I am reminded of that old cliche, "
Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to
die".
I am living life one day at a time, and each new day is a blessing.
Although anger, periodically, can cloud some moments, I move
on and let go long before it turns to resentment. I'd
throw another cliche at you, about when life deals you a lemon- make
lemonade, but you would probably resent me for it.
Coping
With An Illness
"Oh Poppy, I know the worst day of your life. It was
when you had cancer, right?"
An awfully profound statement to be coming from a seven year old
child, especially when it's been 2 years since I had cancer.
Of course I never thought to ask what her worst day was. Maybe it
was the day she learned I was sick. I don't know because I
missed that opportunity when she was saying these words to me. In
fact, I now realize that I never asked any of my family what
they were feeling at the time.
Our monthly meeting, "People Living With Cancer", the
question was asked; How did your family cope? What are they
feeling? Did you share your worries, your pain? What did they
do, to get through it all? I didn't have an answer because I
never once asked how they were holding up, how they felt.
Yes, it "was" the worst day of my life. Nov 18/03
I was told I had a 5 cm. mass in my right lung. I went through all
the emotions, shock, sadness, fear and then I got angry. I
decided I was not going to die. The only words that explain my
attitude at the time was "freight train". I went at
cancer like a train and I wasn't looking to see who I was leaving
behind. I was so strong, so positive, that I could not understand my
family being anything else. I would not tolerate any
kind of negativity. The troubling part of all this, is it took
me two years to ask, "How did you cope?"
For the most part, I find my adult family were on the train with
me. But, I left this lovely little 5 yr. old behind.
You see, I have 4 beautiful grandchildren. Cordell and Shaelyn had
distance to shield them from seeing me at my worst. We had
a short visit at Christmas, but my greatest pain was not being able
to pick them up and hug them. My other grandson, living
nearby, was only 2 yrs. old. He giggled and had to touch
poppies bald head. His sister was 5 and going to school.
Her SK class prayed for Poppy on surgery day. They prayed
each day I had chemotherapy. Who knows what other children may have said,
the things she may have heard. Hindsight tells me, that is when the
kisses and hugs stopped, she stopped looking at me, stopped
touching me. My selfish heart was broken.
I feel about as smart as a bag of rocks. One year later, on
one of our nature walks, she asked me if I was going to die. I still
didn't clue in and just thought, children will be children. When they
were having some quality time, my daughter asked her why she doesn't kiss
poppy any more? She answered, "I'm afraid I'll catch cancer.
But please don't tell poppy I said that." I have since
inquired about educating her school, about cancer, through Supportive Care from
the
Cancer
Center
.
And still, I kept overlooking the obvious. Her 7 year old
worries that had spilled over into other parts of her childhood.
These past months, she is holding my hand more.
I still have to steal my kisses though, although now I think it has become
more of a game. At least, I hope that's why. She is looking me
in the eye more these days. Progress is slow. My heart yearns
for her being able to show her love, like she use to, like my
other grandchildren do. I finally clued in and asked
"Supportive Care" for help. She goes to see them, soon.
I'll be there, and I'll be listening, this time.
It's difficult to think of others when in so much worry
and uncertainty ourselves. If you are going through a
critical illness or recently had one; It's great to be strong
and positive but ask your family(especially a younger child), "How
are you coping, how can I help you cope?"
Facing
The End
Cancer is a word that most of us fear - it makes us think of
death. But more and more people are surviving this disease.
So, while it's normal to feel afraid for someone who has cancer, you can
always be hopeful. The power of the mind, in battling any
critical illness, can do wondrous things. People that were given
only months to live, are healthy many years later.
But, sometimes, a friend with cancer doesn't get
better. It's at times like this I feel anger, frustration and
that life,sometimes, really sucks. We have all lost someone to
cancer. I have lost some dear friends, over the years, and now there
is a possibility I will lose Judy and Gilbert. Because of my
own battle with cancer, they became very special to me in a short time.
Judy is excited about life one day, then asking to die the next.
Gilberts eyes show his frustration with losing his faculties, one at
a time. Both have the fighting spirit to live and, yet, serenity
in facing the possible end of life. Each has been told
they have only days left. We stand there feeling so helpless,
wishing for that magic wand to sprinkle special dust that will allow
them to get up and walk with you, even if its that one last time.
But there is no wand and I can only think, "Oh My, Oh My, what
am I to do?"
On our way to the hospital, one day, I realized there didn't
seem to be any shortage of people to pray for. Most of us find it
hard to talk about death and don't really know what to say or do.
Cancer Society booklets tell me we can help someone who is dying by
being with them and showing we care. We should,always, respect their
wishes. If they want to talk about going home, I'll help them talk
about all the wonderful things that await them. When they ask me about
dying, I only answer that I think we will be going to a better
place.
I get a little upset with the, well-meaning, comment,
"Oh, he/she is better off dead." I do not agree.
They tell me that every extra minute, with those that love them, is
precious. I think only "they" will know when the battle
is over and the end is near.
As much as we want to support them, there comes a time when we
must back away and leave them to the loving care of their family.
When any friend dies, it's quite common to feel a range of emotions.
We will feel sad, and even angry. We may feel relieved that
their suffering is over. We may even feel guilty that we're
still alive when such a wonderful person has died.
I have learned that it is important to accept the fact that
I am grieving and to allow myself to do so. It's okay to grieve in
my own way, and to deal with grief in a way that makes me feel better.
So, for now, I can only continue to pray for them. If they
do succumb to cancer, I will surely miss them and they will always be in
my thoughts.
Friends
It was during one of my chemotherapy sessions that I noticed the
two older gentlemen, two chairs down from my chemo station. Their
nurse asked if they were brothers. One fella says, "Naw,
we're old friends. I came to sit with him during his therapy".
The session, being 3 hours long, gave them plenty of time to laugh and
joke about old times. There were, also, times of silence. I
could see each of them lost in their own thoughts. While only a few
feet apart they were miles away on some nostalgic trip of their own.
I didn't know the extent of his cancer, but I couldn't
help think they were each wondering how much longer they had
together. Thoughts that were better kept as
"thoughts". That generation, and a lot of mine, just
did not express their private feelings about the possibility of dying,
losing a good friend. They found more comfort in talking about the
good times, the hunting/fishing trips, the children, the time he hooked
his buddies hat off on a wayward cast. Most people prefer not
to mention the possibility of dying.
I felt a tinge of envy, because of the friendship they shared at
that moment. One of "my" old friends could not handle my
illness, did not know what to say, what to do, so he stayed away.
This, unfortunately, is common. Although it was not understandable,
it was eventually forgivable. Today my mind goes back to how I spent
so much energy trying to understand it, that I overlooked the true friend
that was sitting by "my" chair.
This friend never missed a session, was by my side each and every
time. Ya know, the type of friend you take for granted. The
one you see in movies as being sidelined and not appreciated for all the
personal effort that went into a friendship or a project, when someone
else gets all the credit for being the hero. Someone I looked right
through, that day I was watching the two older gentlemen, the way one would
look through a cloud when looking for the sun. Now, it gives clarity
to that old saying, "Ya can't see the forest for the trees".
Another saying goes, "I overlooked an orchid while searching for a
rose".
My wife and friend, Vane, was always there by my chair to offer me
a book, bring me a coffee, cover me with a warming blanket because the
Chemo drugs made me cold. That worried look in her eyes when asking
, "Are you OK?" She is still by my side, still
spoiling me. Have I thanked her, told her how much I appreciated her
caring or how much she meant to me?
Nawww! Lottsa time fer dat, right?
TWO
WOLVES
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes
on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between 2
"wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil; It is anger, envy, jealousy,sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride,
superiority, and ego.
The other is Good; It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion
and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his
grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
I also know a native prayer that says, in part, "I seek
strength, not to be greater than my brother but to fight my greatest
enemy, myself."
Our native friends have a wonderful way of describing human nature, in
poems and prayers, that specialists take volumes of books
to accomplish the same end.
Positive and negative thinking is comparable to these wolves.
Since my run-in with cancer, I find the Evil wolf at my door more than I
like to admit. I have said that I will not live my life looking over
my shoulder to see if cancer has caught up with me. I find it a
struggle to keep this evil wolf at bay. It seems that every new
ache/pain is enough to wake him. My mind can be peculiar,
when it entertains thoughts of "what if" the cancer is back.
I can then get in a downward mental spiral. Thoughts of
dying enter my head, along with a lot of other foolish notions. This
type of negative thinking can then cause me to feel ill. Then, feeling a
different ailment can start it over again. If it is
allowed to continue it can become a vicious, damaging, cycle.
In the summer I like to hike. Now I have fallen in love with snowshoeing.
I have said before, I am amazed that I can be feeling so wonderful(If you
can picture being in nature with the trees all covered in a glistening
coat of white) and the "evil wolf" appears and attempts to
take over.
My greatest enemy is "myself", the "evil wolf" that
is in all of us. Thankfully, my "Good Wolf" is strong
enough to overcome. There is a lot to be said for family,
friends, music, physical activity, reading, meditation and volunteer work.
For me, keeping busy is my safety. I find it important, though, to
have a balance. Sometimes that nap is important. Not to take
time for myself, every day, would lead to fatigue, mental and physical.
This would be an invitation for the wolf to return.
I feed the "Good Wolf".
Helping
Someone With Cancer
That very first day, in the Doctors office, I didn't need a trained eye to
see the lung cancer on the x-ray. That same night, when Jim
and Lisa came over, I showed them the tumor, on the x-ray, and
how I had to get rid of this golf ball in my lung.
Not everyone reacts to cancer, the way I did, and not all friends come
rushing over to show their support. Many people are unsure about
visiting someone who has cancer--it can be scary if you don't know what to
expect. But people with cancer need to know that you are there
for them, so try not to shut them out. Spending time with them can
boost their spirits and make them feel part of life. I am thankful
for so many friends.
The
Canadian Cancer Society has some wonderful tips that will help.
1..Let the person with cancer be the leader. Just listen to what
they are saying, and do not offer advice unless you're asked to.
2..Respect their wishes. Every person has their own feelings about
their disease. Some don't want to talk about it. Others may,
but not always.
3..Set aside quality time when you won't be distracted. Turn of cell
phones and pagers. Focus on the person you are visiting.
4..Try to relate in the same way you did when they were in good health.
Your visit will give pleasure when you let them know that you still care.
When you can't come up with the words, a hug, a touch or a look filled
with love can say it all.
5..Ask "What are you feeling?" rather than "How are you
feeling?" Don't say, "I can imagine how you must feel' or
"I know how you feel" to a person with cancer--because unless
you've been there, you can't.
6..Don't feel that you have to say something all the time. Silence
can help people pull their thoughts together.
7..It's
normal for people with cancer to be quieter than usual, to need time alone
and to seem angry at times.
8..Try to keep your eyes on the person you are talking to. Touching
and smiling show someone that they still mean as much to you.
9..Don't be afraid to tell a joke and laugh---it may help the person with
cancer get their mind off their illness. It's OK to laugh and enjoy
life, even when ill.
10..Stay in touch as time passes. Regular contact, in any form, can
mean a lot.
Having help with some practical, or everyday parts of life, can allow them
to concentrate on other things, such as treatment or getting some rest.
Words like "When can I" rather than "What can I" make
it easier for the person or their family to accept your help. Other
practical assistance like cutting grass, shovelling snow, bringing over
some ready-made meals, taking the kids for an afternoon are all wonderful
gestures. But, most important, follow through on whatever it is you
offer. It's even better if you do it more than once.
Our
Canadian Cancer Society is only a phone call away. They are
experienced, caring people. Supportive Care, at the
Cancer
Center
, has a multitude of services,
and very caring professionals, that are set up to make our journey
through cancer so much easier. Seek them out, they are waiting for
your call.
New
Perspective?
A young friend asked me; "If you could turn back the
hands of time and was given a choice of going through the cancer and all
the things that came with it, versus not going through it, which would you
choose?" My choice, believe it or not, was cancer.
I couldn't believe how quick I made such a choice. I guess
I felt it had changed my life, so much for the better, to be the
reason.
I can still remember the paralyzing fear I felt
when I was told that cancer had invaded my body. But
nobody told me that it would, forever, invade my whole being.
Although one of the first thoughts that flashed through my mind was
"am I going to die?", I remember being more worried about
everyone else, especially my grandchildren. There were thoughts of
what was left unfinished in my life, about needing a definite shift in
priorities and that my life would never be the same. It was the 18th
of November and there was some light snow falling. I remember
standing alone, in my yard, and how those snowflakes took on a whole
new beauty and how I was really looking at each one, and yes, as
if seeing each one for the first time.
That was one of a few special moments, that day, that I
made a decision I was going to live. I was going to deal with cancer
in an "Active" manner. I was going to do something else to
compliment the medical journey I was about to begin. A book,
"The Healing Journey" by Alastair Cunningham, showed me that
when I am feeling optimistic & hopeful, my body gets in a very
different state than if I were feeling pessimistic & hopeless.
That feeling would be a reflection of different chemistry. This
chemistry would have an affect on my immune system and on many other
factors that can affect the cancer.
I have learned so much, and come so far, I have a
continuous longing for more. And ya know, I'm really doing OK.
Oh, every now and then, that paralyzing fear crops up(the Evil
Wolf), especially prior to my checkups. I may not have any control
of it's return, but it's what I do with it that is important to my mental
well-being. I won't listen to anything/anyone that would
undermine my sense of hope for a long life. Besides, I don't want to
know how long I'm going to live anyway. Although I plan for
tomorrow, I concentrate on living my life today.
One of the nicest things said to me was last fall on a hiking
trip with a friend of mine, Mike. He doesn't even know how
appreciative I was of his statement. We had been talking
about endurance, staying fit, etc., when he said, "Oh ya, I
keep forgetting that you had cancer.". I've become more
conscious of the little things and thankful for them.
Now, when I rise in the morning I give thanks, to God, for
the morning light. I give thanks for my life and my strength.
I give thanks for my health, my family and friends and thanks
for the joy of living. And if perchance I see no reason for giving
thanks, I can rest assured the fault is in myself.
Inukshuk
It was three weeks after I had my right lung removed, from cancer,
and I wasn't too optimistic about a future with only the
one lung. I had visions of spending my life in front of the
TV/Computer, not being able to go outside in the winter, and overall,
with very limited abilities. What can I do with one lung,
when climbing just a few steps rendered me breathless. Nobody could
tell me what I could, or couldn't, do. Although, one un-informed
home-care nurse scared the be-jeepers outta me when she insisted I not go
outside in the winter and, if I did, to be sure I wore a mask to protect my
lung from the frigid air.
When I found cancer, I was in the best shape of my life and accustomed to
walking 5 miles a day. So, the experience of not being
able to climb a few steps, without being winded, weighted heavy on my
hopes for a normal life. Friends told me that I could live a long
life with one lung, but they couldn't tell me the manner in which I was
going to live it. The Canadian Cancer Society connected me with
another cancer survivor, that had similar surgery, and he was an
inspiration. He was 70 years old and played tennis. Well, I
figured if he could do it, I could too. I would start with walking
to the garage, 250 ft., and back.
I
remember those bygone days of dressing our 2 year old children, to
play outside, on a cold winter day. They had their snow suit, touque,
scarf, mittens. They were dressed so heavily. They stood
there with their arms out, just their eyes/nose visible with
this look of, "Ok what do I do now?". They could barely
move. Now picture an adult dressed in a similar fashion, throw
in a face mask, and our house had its very own Inukshuk standing in
the yard. Only my eyes were visible. To say I was anxious
would be an understatement. A lot of notions entered my head.
"What if I can't breathe in the cold? What if I need to go
on oxygen? It was sunny, but a minus 20 degrees. I
walked it. The next day, when I reached the garage, I removed the
mask and walked back, paying special attention to how my lung reacted to
the cold. The next day, I included the distance to the road.
The next day, to the neighbors. On colder, cloudy, days I walked the
Hanmer mall. The merchants, and friends, were my support
gallery. Within two weeks I had walked a mile, when I was told
it would take six months to do it. I realized it was
"all" up to me.
After
chemotherapy, I was referred to Pulmonary Rehab and then a Lung
specialist. Neither of these wonderful people mentioned anything
about what I "couldn't" do. They simply showed me the way
to increase the capacity of the remaining lung, and what inhalers were
best for me, and how to use them. The rest was up to me. I
had, slowly, increased my walking, the breathing techniques, and commenced
upper body conditioning to build my stamina. From those days to now,
I find the less I do--the less I "can" do.
In-other-words, if I do no physical activity today, my stamina will
be less tomorrow.
There are
days that are just a bummer that have no reasons why. On those
days, as I lay on the couch, I can really plan the physical
activities I am going to do "tomorrow". I know that nobody
can do it, but me. Nobody is going to take me by the hand or be
responsible for my health. I am responsible for my own well
being. It has got to be me that drags my sorry butt off that couch
and get active. On those real bummer days, it feels like I'm
carrying the world on my shoulders. There are days, though, that I
just don't feel like doing anything. A time out is ok, once in
awhile, but not as a continuous practice. I am careful to stay
out of that rut, of staying inside. Walking is my meditation,
my quiet time. Although I have walked, as much as, 20 K's I walk 6
K's on most days. I'm doing some occasional snowshoeing, and during
the no-snow season I love moderate hiking. I have
achieved more stamina than some men, who have both lungs. There
are some sayings that I have learned, throughout my life, but the one that
carries the most substance for me is:
My
Spirituality
I wrote, in my original story, I was not a religious person but
I was spiritual and I believed in nature. I was raised to
believe God, as punishing and not someone that could be a
friend. During my younger years I became
very disenchanted with the church and its teachings and I walked
away, hating everything about it, with a chip on my shoulder.
As I matured I developed my own relationship with God, without the
church.
During
my life, I sometimes wondered if I would panic, when near death, and go
running to a church/priest, doubting this relationship
I had developed with Him. But, I always had questions about why he
allowed wars, children to die and why a wonderful aunt spent her life in a
wheelchair. The age old answer, that he works in mysterious ways,
just didn't cut it for me. These questions created holes in our
relationship, but I felt he would answer me when he was ready.
After all he was, now, my friend and I had come to trust him as
forgiving, not punishing. But church was ingrained deep within me so
I started attending, periodically, with a lot of uncertainty and no
trust.
Then I get those paralyzing words, "You have a 5 cm. mass
on your right lung". Cancer!!! Well, it did not
change my feelings about the church and the religious teachings I had
hated. I felt "comfortable" with my present
relationship and simply said, "I may need a little help with this
one, Bud." He gave me a guardian angel to help me through.
Her name was Maria. Cancer had taken her, just two years earlier,
and she assured me all would be well. Through Maria, I felt he
was with me and that I would get the answers to those lingering questions
of Why?. Along comes the book, "When Bad Things Happen To Good
People" and I got my answers.
I especially liked what it said; "Could it be that God
does not cause the bad things that happen to us? Could it be that He
doesn't decide which families shall give birth to a handicapped child,
that He did not single out Ron to be crippled by a bullet or Helen by a
degenerative disease, rather that He stands ready to help them and us to
cope with our tragedies if we could only get beyond the feelings of guilt
and anger that separate us from Him? Could it be that "How
could God do this to me?" is really the wrong question for us
to ask? We can be sustained and comforted by the knowledge
that the earthquake and the accident, like murder and the robbery, are not
the will of God, but represent that aspect of reality which stands
independent of his will, and which angers and saddens God even as it
angers and saddens us. I'd like to believe that God gives strength
and courage to those who, unfairly and through no fault of their own,
suffer pain and the fear of death. I don't know why people are
mortal and fated to die, and I don't know why people die at the time and
in the way they do. Perhaps we could try to understand it by
picturing what the world would be like if people lived forever.
Why, then,
do bad things happen to good people? One reason is that our being
human leaves us free to hurt each other, and God can't stop us without
taking away the freedom that makes us human. Human beings can cheat
each other, rob each other, hurt each other, and God can only look down in
pity and compassion at how little we have learned over the ages about how
human beings should behave."
Although
my relationship with God is not dependent on others, I attend church
because there is a certain special strength that comes with
being part of a functioning and harmonious community. Above all, I've
read, it gives it the substance and effectiveness that only a community
can muster. I guess it originates from that basic tribal need
that recognizes religion as a whole, to function better as a group effort.
These
words from a song, sum it up for me; While you're on earth you
should shine like a star, brighten up the corner wherever you are.
Doing each day, the best you can do, so when you get to heaven
they'll never hand you a rusty old halo, skinny white clouds, second
hand wings full of patches and a robe so wooly that it scratches.
I'm
comfortable.
Amber
Alert
AMBER ALERT, call 911 operator...2 kids. The words screamed
down off the Electronic Messaging Board, just a few days ago. I
wrote the license plate number and watched for the suspicious vehicle.
It was an all
Ontario
alert. I worried for the children. A local radio station
broadcast the reason for the alert. Theodore, a 36
year old cancer-stricken father with only days to live, drove away from a
domestic dispute with his two boys after assaulting his estranged wife.
Leukemia was robbing Terry of his life so I could relate to his desperation of
spending his last days with the children he loved. I can only
assume the, alleged, assault came after the mothers
concern for their safety, in the truck, to not grant him his
dying wish. So he drove away with Jacob,7 and Harrison, 5.
The radio described Terry as only 100 pounds, covered in red
spots, spitting up blood and with a large cut on his head. When
hearing the circumstances, I didn't feel as worried about the kids,
anymore. I felt he would not hurt them. He just wanted to say
goodbye, in his own way. I agonized over his leaving the boys, as
the cancer drained his last days. I understood his need, his
frustration, his anger at the disease, his impatience with the system and
the, possible, disappointment in a Health System that failed him.
I could not help raising the question, "Why, in such a young
man, did the cancer reach a stage that did not enable it to be stopped and
then force him to take these desperate measures?"
The next day, the Sun carried a short story about the
incident and the boys being found safe. There was nothing about
Theodore, or his condition. A few more pages over, there was another
story about a 52 year old fellow receiving a diagnosis of pancreatic
cancer. He believed the disease might well have been spotted much
earlier with better screening procedures. This article went on to
say, "that cancer screening is not reaching its full potential and
more research is needed to identify effective screening tests for
prostate, lung and ovarian cancers." My experience shows
our present system, is a "wait for symptoms" style. This
experience has shown me that when blood is evident, you can
rest assured you will have a harder battle ahead of you than had
you detected cancer, in its early stages.
My cancer, with no symptoms, was growing undetected.
I requested a chest x-ray after a, clean, yearly medical because I
was an ex-smoker. That decision saved my life. So when I
see headlines about our having solid scientific evidence that screening
through an organized program can reduce cancer deaths, I can tell you
"I am proof of that statement". Screening will save lives.
You remember that old slogan? "Fight cancer with a checkup and
a check". Well the old hand is still out for the check, but
we must wait for symptoms before getting a checkup?
Although our doctors/nurses are doing their best, our health system
needs to develop the, long awaited, screening system. I have full
confidence in our health system to find the way.
What happened to Theodore? Would early screening have
detected his leukemia in it's early stages? I think so.
I worry about him and wonder how he will spend his last days.
I checked the Sun for 2 more days...nothing. His story is finished,
he is not a news item anymore, his days numbered. That alert day,
there were thousands of truckers focused on finding his
pickup truck. I am sure that when most heard the circumstances,
their worry lessened. So Theodore, your last desperate act will be
remembered by this cancer survivor. You will be in my thoughts until
they, like you, will fade.
God Bless You.
Relay
For Life (A survivors view)
They asked
for a "before" and "after" article on the Relay?
Hows this??? Have you ever been to one?
My
very first Relay For Life. An event I can only relate to the
stories, from other survivors, of its impact on them. Its main
drive is to raise money for cancer research, and although my team
will be collecting pledges to do our part I can't help thinking
there is a special something awaiting me.
Cancer has
robbed me of friends and family. It changed me.
It made me realize how fragile today is and leaves no promise of
tomorrows. There is power in numbers, there is power in prayer and
there is a "special power" I have come to know. The power
that can only come from someone who's been there, and back. The support from a
"Cancer Buddy".
We can
live as many, but we will fight as one. I can't help
thinking there is going to be a feeling, of power, of comradery, like
I have never known before. I feel those who have lost their
lives, to cancer, will be there to form a protective bubble
around us, like I want to form this same bubble around my family, my
friends.
The first
lap is a "survivors lap", being led by the bagpipes. That ceremonial
instrument tearing at the heartstrings will open the gates to a lot
of emotions that I have, possibly, overlooked or held at bay.
Brenda tells me of her first survivors lap. She wasn't sure if she
could walk it until her 7 yr. old grandson stepped out on the track and
offered her his hand. He said he knew she had to walk. The
rest of the lap was very emotional. Will I be able to handle such
highly charged emotion without coming apart? I don't know, maybe
I need it.
The
"Luminary Ceremony" is the one where you buy/light a candle in
honor of those who died from cancer or in support of those who survived.
It is said to be the most powerful, the most moving, the most solemn
dimension of the whole event. As we stand together, during the
ceremony, we remember those who were taken from us. Many tears will
be shed, songs sung, prayers uttered. However, I think the most
important concept is for my cancer buddies and I to be powerful
reminders that cancer can be beaten.
The rest
of the evening will be fun for everyone. A time to meet old
friends, make new ones and have a lot of fun, stay up all night and
walk for a cure for cancer. Lots of food, lots of entertainment.
What better way to spend a Friday night.
The solemn
moments are a part of the event and I look forward to them, in spite of
their possible effects causing me a heavy heart. I'm not sure
how I will make it through these emotional moments, but I know I will not
be alone. There will be many experiencing the pain of loss.
There are times I feel guilty that I'm alive when someone so wonderful
has died. No matter what the emotion, standing together can be an
important part of the healing process. I will write of my
experience. If we meet, say hello. It's important.
June 2nd., Come
out and walk with us. Come feel the support of those who can't
be there. Feel the support of family and friends and, above
all, we will feel the support, the power, of Cancer Buddies.
Stay On
Track
My
Relay for Life
I wrote that I was a bit apprehensive, that I couldn't help thinking
there was a special something awaiting me. I was never so right
about anything being so special, in my life.
I
love my family, but as I walked through those gates I felt the power
of an extended family. These were people, I felt, I could trust.
That was proven a short while later. While walking around and
showing off my grandchildren, my 5 yr. old grandson disappeared.
One second he was behind me, then "poof" he was gone. At
first, I panicked. Then a feeling of peace came over me, that I need
not worry, this crowd is my family. I was worried more for
him being scared. In no time at all(actually an eternity) three nice
ladies were keeping his attention so he wasn't too frightened.
The "Survivors Lap" can only be described as "wonderfully
spiritual". The Pipe Band leading the walk raised the hair on
my arms and with my immediate family at my side, and my extended
family all around me I felt so wonderfully, wonderfully Safe. The
atmosphere had it's own attitude. To a lady survivor, with one leg
and on crutches, I jokingly said, "Can I race with you?"
She answered, "As long as you can keep up." Archie, who
just finished chemotherapy, came for part of the evening. Robin,
still taking chemo & radiation, also walked for a while. Now
those are winning attitudes. Others stood around the track and
continually applauded as we walked. Comments like, "Thank you
for surviving", "I'm proud of you", "I'm so glad
you're here" were repeated often. Then the balloons were
released and we sent cancer flying far away from this night.
The "Luminary Ceremony" was the most powerful, the most
moving, and the most solemn experience of the evening. Amazing Grace
was performed and I remembered(with a prayer) all my friends
that were taken by cancer. Ahh, but, it was the moment of silence
for those who died that got me. Those 7500 candles , that
burned all night, that gave the event an angelic aura caused my tears to
flow. I was standing midfield beside two teenage girls. Their
cry was ever so soft. They held each other. It wasn't
important for whom they grieved. Maybe it was a healing moment, for
when it was over they recovered quickly and were bubbly again.
My
8 yr. old grand-daughter, had been scared by my cancer and she
has been slowly reconnecting to me, emotionally. I guess it was her
way of protecting herself. A wonderful feeling was experienced relay
night. I cannot put a finger on it, can't explain it or draw a
picture of it. She looked me in the eye more, she held my hand
tighter. Her whole attitude, towards me, was lovingly. When they
got tired and Mommy had to take them home, she cried because she wanted to
stay all night. Before she left, she looked me in the eye, right
down to my soul and said, "I love you Poppy." There
is "nothing" on this earth that is more special than that.
Next year, please God, I hope to have all my family present and
make it a tradition.
Yes, my evening with my "Cancer Buddies" was special and will be
a unforgettable experience that will certainly be a yearly event.
But as I looked around I couldn't help notice the other special people
that made the event such a success. The volunteers were,
absolutely, everywhere. Without you I would not have had this
wonderful experience. You and the great sponsors that supported
this event, organized it and achieved a perfect emotional journey for
me and my Cancer Buddies. To you, I say, Thank You. You
are so very special.
Cancer
can't steal dreams
My friend, and I, were climbing a 400 meter mountain and were on
the last leg of a hike I had been dreaming of, for years.
Another Km and we were finished. I was resting, again, and when I
looked up he was holding his hiking staff out to me. He said,
"Grab on, I'll help pull you up". I said,
"Don't even think about it, don't embarrass me." We
were in beautiful
Newfoundland
and at the end of a grueling
21KM hike, where we had to be part mountain goat. At one steep part
of the mountain, the weight of my backpack was pulling me backwards.
Only my hiking staff saved me from having a, really mean, tumble.
Because friends care they, sometimes, tend to put me in a box that
has parameters. I've had cancer, chemotherapy and all the
other stuff that comes with it and having one lung removed, there are
things I should, or shouldn't, be doing. Eighteen years
ago when I knew alcohol was taking control, I quit drinking. 10
years ago when I felt nicotine was in control, I quit
smoking.(Although, it took many quits til I got it right.) Cancer
was not going to control me either, or dictate how I lived.
Now, my Newfy buddy was also concerned because he had done that same hike
25 yrs. ago and he told me to stay off that mountain.
"Kevin bye, with only one lung, you should turn back at 9
Km", he said. Had my friend Mike & I listened to Gerald and
turned back at that 9 km. ocean side rest station, the hike would have remained
a "2" rating (with a 4 rating being "extreme").
What we didn't see, on the hiking guide, was beyond that point the
rating went up to a "3"(Moderate to Extreme). Twice we,
mistakenly, followed sheep trails that lead us to an abrupt end at a
steep drop to the ocean. These two boo-boos added an
extra 5 kms. to the torture we were heading into. Only a few days
later, we learned about another hiker falling to his death on the rocks
below.
Torture? Yes! You see some of these climbs were 400 meters
high and, many times, the trail took us straight up. My heart felt
like it was going to jump out of my chest. My lung felt as if it was
going to tear from its moorings. These climbs were so steep I could
only do 20 meters, then I'd have to stop to let my heart & lung
slow down. Also, the ocean air was heavier than my lung
was accustomed to. Turning back did flash through my mind
though, but I knew I would regret that decision for the rest of my life.
Every once-in-a-while we would give each other this "puzzled"
look that said "why did we not turn back as we were told, how much
more can we endure, when will it end?" But, it was during these
times that I realized how lucky I was to be out there. In some
peculiar way, I was glad we continued and was going through this torture.
I was hiking for those who could not be out there. I did think
of my cancer-buddies that did not make it, but were with me in
spirit. Every ocean-side view was spectacular. The memory
of such beauty will remain in my heart forever. As we neared
the end, 8 hrs. later, my legs were like rubber and I felt every joint ready
to give up. I have never felt so tired and yet, so proud.
Cancer was far behind me. It did not control or take away my
dream, I did not allow it.
Hiking
Gros
Morne
National Park
was a dream, a goal....I did
it. With "one" lung, I did it. Nothing can
match that feeling of accomplishment. Cancer will never take
that feeling away.
As
I wrote some of this article, it was 7:30 AM and I sat on
my friends deck overlooking the bay, hot cup of coffee and a sincere
appreciation for the joy of living and the benefit of a good nights rest.
But there was another feeling of appreciation; for friends that care
enough to want me to stay off a mountain and for those who would
offer their hiking staff to help me up that mountain.
Later, the next day, we hiked other trails. But
let me tell you, we took a closer look at those hiking guides.
We
need to remember; Cancer cannot cripple love, shatter hope, corrode
faith or destroy peace. It can't kill friendships, suppress
memories, invade the soul and it can't steal eternal life. I didn't
allow it to steal my dream either. Don't allow it to steal yours.
The
Black Horse
My
buddy, Percy, was only 53 when he died. His heart stopped and
he was dead before hitting the ground. He had been feeling so
good that he stopped taking his medication, continued to smoke, and worked
way too hard for someone with a heart condition. Ten years
later I still miss his contagious smile and, sometimes, I resent his
not taking proper care of himself so we could grow old, as buddies.
Why
is it when we are threatened by a critical illness we do all that's
necessary to enhance our wellbeing? But when some of us get
back to feeling good again we tend to drift away from all those
precautions that were so beneficial getting us through our illness.
When a person stops taking a necessary medication, stops a beneficial
exercise or complimentary medicine, or continues to smoke is no
different than taking a gun to our head. The matter of
"when I'll die" is fast forwarded.
I
had stopped my daily meditation/relaxation ritual, only took my
native cleansing recipe occasionally and had slacked off my
walking and gained weight. But I got lucky. I got reminded
of their importance when I experienced how cancer may
feel if it came back in my brain. Although it was
caused by the side affects from a new medication, the fear of dying, though
for a short time, was no less frightening.
You
need only ask any heart/cancer survivor how a new pain can set
off a rush of, "Oh oh, it's back" type of thinking. I
found this tremendous demonstration of how indirect negative imagery can
subvert the entire healing process. A doctor asked a group of
participants to close their eyes and meditate on anything they wanted
other than a black horse.
Close
your eyes and try it for a minute. Anything...but a black horse.
Find it hard? Now close your eyes and meditate on a red rose.
He
explains that the black horse represents not dying. When our efforts
to heal are focused on the fear of death, when you are trying to keep
death from happening, paradoxically we focus intently on it.
So, when imagery techniques or any technique is done to prevent death, we
indirectly create ongoing images of black horses. The red rose, on
the other hand, represents a focus on life. When we use imagery or
any other technique to live life with more creativity, joy, and love, we
automatically enhance indirect healing imagery. It may be that a
black horse will gallop through our rose field from time to time, but it
isn't our major preoccupation. We are not hypnotized by it.
I need
to remember the rose did not get beautiful by simply being a
rose. It was nurtured with the right amount of sun/rain. Then
it was pruned, fertilized and examined daily for pests that could
destroy it. So, it stands to reason that because there are long life
genes in my family doesn't mean I, automatically, get to live them.
Between the period of finding cancer and my first chemotherapy
session, I experienced a connectedness of mind, body and spirit. I
haven't experienced it since. Nurturing my spirit is the real
source of healing & strengthening my body through proper
exercise & healthy eating habits, is something I am
capable of doing... daily.
A
Bullet
As I write, my heart is heavy. I have often said that life can
change in the blink of an eye and I have written how cancer changed
mine in so many ways. I have also written about the grief that parents
experience when children are taken from them. How when it happens to
a friend, the hurt is too close to home. I know a lot of us have, or
know of, young people who are caught up in the troubles of our
world and are in some other part of this same world doing their part for
Canada
. Last year was the Year
of The Veteran and it looks like we will continue to make new Vets.
Their commander, at that time, reminded us that our young people were
not toy soldiers. They would bleed and some would die. He was
never so right, unfortunately.
Chris's, 24 yr. old soldier, life got changed with a bullet that
severed his spine. I spoke with his Dad the night it happened.
They didn't know much, only that he had been paralyzed from the neck down
and was on a respirator. They, along with Chris' pregnant wife, awaited
an available flight to
Germany
. The "not
knowing", ground at their emotions like being
continuously hit on the head with a hammer. I could only offer them
my thoughts and my prayers that he would survive it and come home.
Recently
I attended the Glengarry Highland Games again and watched our young soldiers
compete/perform for our entertainment. The highlight for me is
the massed piper bands and last year I remember visualizing soldiers,
of past wars, marching away into the sunset. I whispered a
"Thank You" to them for their sacrifice. These massed
bands play themselves out of the arena, in waves. Exiting the center
area, they crest a small hill. As they piped themselves over this
hill, and the sun showing its last beautiful rays of the day on their
backs, I couldn't help but visualize our present,younger,
soldiers. I prayed for Chris, and those who have died, and
the sadness I felt was so overwhelming that I had to hang my head to
hide my tears. I remember some words from a poem to our
veterans. "There's debt we all owe. For the price they
have paid. The risks that they made. Are greater than any may
say." It was at this time I felt I would follow the bagpipes
through the fires of hell to protect our freedom. But, I won't get
that chance. So young men & women, like Chris, must do it for
me.
Chris could only speak if somebody placed a finger over his breathing
tube. When his Dad did this, Chris whispered, "I'm proud
to be a Canadian". My eyes get misty every time I think of his
effort to speak and to say such profound words. "I'm proud
to be a Canadian". He is a bigger/braver man than I can
ever hope to be.
I
am a strong advocate of the power of the mind to heal and what can be
accomplished with positive thinking. Chris is home, in
Hamilton
, in a rehabilitation
center. He is quadriplegic. I'm sure he knows that
starting all over again is going to be rough and some mighty hard times
lay ahead. I'm also sure he knows that he can make it, because he
has actually picked up a water bottle. That's progress. One
limb at a time, One Hour at a time or One Day at a time. Whatever
works. You will be in my thoughts. You will be in my
prayers. Our young men/women make "Me" proud to be a
Canadian.
All this
sure gives new meaning to the words, "We stand on guard for
thee".
Bittersweet
Christmas
Christmas,
as an adult, has always been a sad time for me and I've never
understood why. Of course, Christmas will never be like those
of my childhood. Thankfully it has always been the children, on
Christmas morning, that lifted my spirits and I was able to enjoy
those who were with me.
This
Christmas will be bittersweet because some very special Cancer Buddies
didn't survive their battle with cancer and I will miss them. I
worried that a piece of me died with each of them. A
friend reminded me that maybe a little piece of each Cancer
Buddy has remained as a part of me, and I like that.
I
have heard people say that Christmas is not the same, that it's
too commercialized, or that we have forgotten the true meaning of
Christmas! I don't think Christmas is any different
today than it was so many years ago.....for the children. For my
true meaning of Christmas, I only need to look in the eyes of a child
to see the excitement, that special something, I seem to be missing.
Some of my Christmas family, of long ago, are gone. That part will
never be the same.
Many of us
will have our first Christmas without a loved one, taken by cancer or
another critical illness. We'll only have the memories of
Christmas past and know that the rest will never be the same without that
special person. I can only hope that "all" children,
today, are experiencing and building wonderful Christmas Memories.
I would like to share a poem written by a 13 year old boy who had
battled a brain tumor for four years. He died on
December 14, 1997
and gave this poem to his
mother.
I see the
countless Christmas trees around the world below with tiny lights, like
Heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight
is so spectacular, please wipe away the tear for I am spending Christmas
with Jesus Christ this year.
I hear the
many Christmas songs that people hold so dear but the sounds of music
can't compare with the Christmas choir up here.
I have no
words to tell you, the joy their voices bring, For it is beyond
description, to hear the angels sing.
I know how
much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart. But I am not so
far away, We really aren't apart.
So be
happy for me, dear ones, You know I hold you dear. And be glad
I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I sent you
each a special gift, from my heavenly home above. I sent you each a
memory of my undying love.
After all,
love is a gift more precious than pure gold. It was always most
important in the stories Jesus told.
Please
love and keep each other, as my father said to do. For I can't count
the blessing or love he has for each of you.
So have a
Merry Christmas and wipe away that tear. Remember, I am spending
Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
In Honor
of my Cancer Buddies and "your" special person that will
not be with you this Christmas; Our thoughts and prayers will
be with them. Those Buddies will always remain a part of
me. To you, I say "Merry Christmas Memories" because that
is what they are; "special and unique."
Life
Affirming People
I drive truck(18 wheeler) and was homebound out of
Fort Erie
. I had been
fighting a snowstorm for over an hour. It was one of those storms
that drops your speed to a crawl because your visibility is barely
beyond the windshield wipers and the headlights reflecting off the snow
squalls are hypnotizing. I pulled into my fueling stop, and
barely overheard another trucker(on the CB radio) relating how the
storm gets too bad and it stretches well beyond
Sudbury
. I couldn't
handle it for another 3 hours and thought, maybe, I should just get into
the sleeper and call it a night, but I wasn't tired enough to sleep.
Then I thought I may have heard him wrong, or he was a young driver and/or
a worry-wart. I decided to chance it and when I pulled back onto the
highway, I knew I had made a mistake. The whole world
disappeared in a blinding sheet of white. I couldn't just turn
around, so I thought I would try and get to the next town and park it for
the night.
The
CB radio was quiet and it felt like I was out there alone. I
asked the next two, southbound, truckers of what I could expect and
was told the storm only lasts for another hour and it was clear highway
from there. They told me to take it slow and I would make it, so I
continued. It wasn't until a while later I realized I was
enjoying the storm and was quite comfortable being out in it.
I wondered why, in such horrible weather, I felt good about my
surroundings. Then I realized it was because, just up ahead, I
knew it was going to end and I would be back on clear highway
again. I couldn't help think of my journey through cancer.
As long as I remembered it was going to get better, the
struggle to get through was so much easier.
All
during my journey through cancer, life affirming people were most
important to me. My faith in my power to heal and those type of
people that encouraged me, gave me the hope to get through surgery
and the chemotherapy. Like those two truck drivers who gave me
the encouragement to carry on and arrive safely. I have learned,
through life, that as long as I believed in myself and my ability to
carry on, I could handle whatever life decided to throw at me. It is
only through reflection I realize there were times I thought I was
alone, lost faith in myself and endured a cloud of sadness that was only
dissipated by someone who cared enough to encourage me. I learned to
ignore, and not talk to, those who would tell me of someone who
passed away with my type of cancer. Like I ignored the worry-wart
trucker and listened to the more experienced, encouraging drivers to make
it safely.
My battle
with cancer had some rough times, but not so rough I couldn't handle
it. My cancer buddy, Bob, almost spent this Christmas in a hospital
bed with his cancer, and was so sick at times he could have had two nurses
in bed with him. He understood my story about the
snowstorm and had a similar attitude towards his own journey. That
attitude enabled him to go home on the 23rd.
There is nothing
so precious as Faith in the power to heal. Nothing so
comforting as the trust in those medical angels that care for
us. But, most of all, there is nothing so compelling as Hope.
And Hope begins with "You"
Volunteers
When I was diagnosed with cancer, I was in the process of repairing my
station wagon to be mechanically fit so I could become a volunteer
driver with the Canadian Cancer Society. I had some friends
that were volunteering, as drivers, and seemed all-the-better
for it. They spoke of having a common desire to make a difference in
our community & in their own life, by giving of their time &
expertise.
In spite of my shocking news I, for some reason, thought my priority was
to complete the repairs on the car. It was standing beside that
car, I made a decision to live. I spoke out loud and told the
car it could wait. I must take care of myself first, get better,
then I would complete the repairs and continue with my plans to drive as a
volunteer.
I remember a nurse, while I was on the operating table, talking with me.
I remember her eyes. Those eyes were so full of compassion and I
have never forgotten them. I wish I could meet her some day. I
told her about my wanting to be a volunteer driver and that "The Big
Guy" figured I would better relate, if I experienced cancer.
Her eyes smiled, over the surgical mask, and I knew there could be
nothing like the feeling of doing something good for others. I would
survive & I would drive.
Well, I did become a Volunteer driver. It's been 2 years now and I
feel privileged to be a very small part of what is done to help cancer
patients & their families. I do it, mostly, because it
makes me feel good.
The
good news is the cancer survival rate has increased significantly.
However, not every family has the means of getting to all the
different treatments they need to battle their cancer. Dealing
with cancer is very stressful. Not having a means to get
to your treatments can add to that stress.
The
bad news is the shortage of volunteer drivers to help these families.
Our Canadian Cancer Society is requesting drivers, they need our help.
They need us to give of our time to help others. Volunteers
enhance the quality of life of people living with cancer. I
understand what a cancer patient is going through because I've been there.
Did
you know everyone has cancer fighting powers?? I've heard,
recently, that when you give of your time it releases special chemicals
within the brain that makes a person feel good.(I can verify that).
However, it further tells us that these chemicals help us to live
longer. Go figure! By giving of your time, you are rewarded
with more of it.
The
Canadian Cancer Society needs you to help our neighbors living
with cancer, by being a Volunteer Driver. Living longer,
because of it, is a bonus. It doesn't matter if you can only
drive once a week, your time is needed. Call them
today; 670-1234.
Comfort
Mrs.
K sat in her hospital bed with her angel white hair and a
smile that has touched and enriched the lives of many. I'm 93
yrs. old, she said, my lover has gone on without me and I can't dance.
They tell me I have cancer in my lungs. I don't want any surgery.
I'm ready to join him now because I know he's waiting to dance
again. Now Kevin, I know you don't agree with someone who wants to
leave this earth, but I've lived my life. I have no regrets,
she said. We talked then, about life, about its ups & downs and
about her decision to go on and leave us behind. The most
profound words that stand out from our morning together was , "We
only fail when we stop trying". Words her grandson knows quite
well as he recovers, in another hospital across the city, from an
Afghan bullet that almost took his life. Her grit is
evident in his positive attitude towards living life to its fullest.
A
world away, my own mother, lays in her hospital bed weak from an
undetermined illness. She had lost an enormous amount of weight,
looks and feels horrible. Tests were being performed and family
thought the worst. Biopsies were performed and cancer was
strongly suspected. When these things happen, I'm
reminded of my own mortality and I'm sad because I'm not close enough to
run over and be there for her. She has had her own profound
moments and the words that stand out most in my memory are; "If
I could live my life over, I wouldn't change a thing". This being
said by a women that raised 12 children in post war years is monumental.
When I visit our Cancer Centre I'm reminded, each time, how cancer can
change lives. I look at those experiencing their journey and can't
help wonder how they are handling it. Are they taking it
as a "bump in the road", or "a mountain that can't be
climbed". Those that walk with their head held low, I want
to take by the hand, and show them the way. Show them how
important attitude is for their future well being. How
"taking it one day at a time" makes it so much easier to get
over the "bump". How important it is to stick with
the winners, to choose life and not get too comfortable.
I think it
wise to accept the fact that as I get older there are some things I need
do in moderation. I'm comfortable with that, but what I refuse to do
is use age, or cancer, as a reason for not trying something.
Like Mrs. K says, I only fail when I stop trying. When, in my
90's, my body starts to give out on me I'll know when it is time to
stop dancing. I want to look back and not want to change a
thing.
I've
read that so many people live within unhappy circumstances and yet will
not take the initiative to change their situation because they are
conditioned to a life of security, conformity, and conservatism, all of
which appear to give one peace of mind, but in reality nothing is more
damaging to the adventurous spirit within a person than a secure
future. The very basic core of a living spirit is a
passion for adventure. The joy of life comes from our encounters
with new experiences, and hence there is no greater joy than to have an
endlessly changing horizon, for each day to have a new and different sun.
I
need to continue doing what makes me happy, what continues to stimulate
me. It is when I am challenged, and happy, that creates positive
results and then affects those around me. I don't want to
live in a box nor have the threat of a past illness dictate what I
should, or shouldn't, be doing. I will never fail to try new things and
especially, I don't ever want to get too comfortable.
Mothers
Day
The
Roots of Character; Those who preserve their integrity
remain unshaken by the storms of daily life. They do not stir like
leaves on a tree or follow the herd where it runs. In their mind
remains the ideal attitude & conduct of living. This is not
something given to them by others. It is their roots.....it is a
strength that exists deep within them.
The
best feeling in this world is family. From it we draw love,
friendship, moral support, and the fulfillment of all our special needs.
No parent can be more proud of his children than I, of mine.
Their accomplishments are the type a father uses as bragging material
and can carry like a trophy. More important, I make a point of
telling them occasionally. I learned to do that early in their
adulthood because TV, books etc, reminded us to do it. My
generation was lucky like that.
I
developed a positive attitude, the jar is always half full. A trait
that was instrumental in beating cancer. I say "I
Love You" a lot, to my family, because it was a learned trait my
wife instilled in me. Those positive traits of mine came from
somewhere, were "planted" somehow.
Mothers of my "Baby Boomer" generation parented
strictly by grit and patterned their ways as they were raised by their own
Mothers. They didn't have all the parenting books, television and
radio programs that my generation was so lucky to have.
There is a certain pride, on my part, that my Mother raised twelve
children without the aid from these books and programs we
had to raise our own, and all are doing well for themselves. Throughout
our lives we've had our mountains to climb and will have
more, I'm sure. To further compliment her family, the most
profound words I've heard her speak; " If I had it to do
all over again, I wouldn't change a thing". How
many of us can say that?
I
left home, early in life, with a grade 10 education and the
dreams of youth that only experience could make or break. My time
with my Mother was short. My focus was on leaving home and making my
own way. Another woman entered my life and was to spend more time
with me than I had with my own Mother. She nurtured my roots.
She is still with me today, the Mother of my children.
Those "sliver haired" ladies deserve recognition for
raising children in an era that has been the fastest moving generation of
time. They are, truly, the Golden Girls of the century. Today,
my Mother is in a nursing home weak from an illness. If I were near
enough I would spend the day with her and tell her how much her
efforts have meant to my life. Cards are important to her and she is
proud when there are twelve of them on her dresser.
I
would say "Happy Mothers Day Mom and Thanks for the Roots".
To my wife I say "Have a Happy Mothers Day and thanks for strengthening my Roots".
My
Relay
There are experiences in life that can never be forgotten.
Never, if you can ever help it, miss seeing the dawning of a
new day or a sunset. Each has its own experience in my memory
and each is special. No matter how many times I see them, I am in
awe of their magnificence. Like the birth of a grandchild or the
passing of a friend, each emotion will always share a part of me.
The Canadian Cancer Society's "Relay for Life" experience
has become one, that can never be forgotten. Each year will hold its
own special feeling that will be different from the year before.
The "survivors lap" holds its own significance of the
dawning of a new day, the birth of a child, the joy of living. It is
ever so more magnificent because it is shared by so many, as we
walk that track, so happy to have the privilege of another day to
share with family and friends. Surviving cancer is the dawning
of a new life that takes on a whole new meaning that only survivors
can share. The learning to delight in the simple things.
The sunset is followed by lighting of the some 8000 candles that
surround us for the night. Each one in honor of, or in memory
of, a loved one. A wonderful, loving feeling allows
us to be part of them(through their candle) for this night.
Last year I felt their presence, like angels being with us to share the
evening. To catch us if we fall. Encouraging us in our dreams.
Inspiring us to be happy. Holding our hand with a promise to help us
through our battle with cancer.
The
"Luminary Ceremony" for our friends who lost their battle
to cancer is the most solemn, most powerful, experience of life.
The moment of silence allowed me to reflect and to accept that rotten
things happen, that life can be unfair and people I love suffer.
I can't outsmart the pain of losing someone who has become special to me.
My tears will fall, I know, But they will be strengthening tears
because I will feel their presence once again.
I
would be remiss not to mention the reason we walk all night. All the
wonderful things that are being done to fight cancer, and find a cure cost
a lot of money. The Relay for Life is one of our bigger events
to help with raising the needed funds. My team, and I, will walk all
night to help raise our share of this money. My granddaughter,
Caitlin, is doing her share by making pretty bracelets/necklaces and
selling them. We hope people, like you, will come out to walk
with us on June 1st. It begins at
6:00 PM
. If you can't, you
may call 670-1234 and make a donation to help fight cancer.
May
you always have an Angel by your side.
Those
Low Times
Penny, a
cancer buddy of mine, was feeling low and a little on the cranky side.
It just happened, that same day, I was experiencing those exact
feelings. Now, everyone gets these feelings from time to time but
because we are cancer survivors, and really able to appreciate the little
things in life, we are expected to not get low, or so it seems. My
wife has even asked what happened to my "positive
attitude".
These moods make me feel that life is unbearably serious & very
difficult. I don't know where the low comes from or how
they are able to sneak up on me. But, I know, they tend to
make it seem that friends are not friendly, nobody understands my
problems, and heartaches come. My love grows cold and it almost
seems that even God has died. They are simply a "life
sucks" period of time. I've learned over the years that they
will pass. I just need to ride them out.
Many years ago a friend had hurt me. I can't remember what it was
about, but I do remember during one of those very low times I happened to
be in a room that had a picture of the "Last Supper". I
looked up and realized that a great man had been betrayed by a
trusted friend. I accepted my hurt and moved on.
Years later I read that one day that dynamic preacher, Martin Luther, was
despondent and showed it. Soon he became aware his wife was dressed
completely in black...for mourning. "Why do you wear
black?" he asked in amazement. "For whom do you
mourn?" She replied, "You act as if God were dead."
He realized how silly it all was and changed his attitude.
I
know, of course, life is never as bad as it seems when I'm in these low
moods and it is certainly not a good time to be analyzing my life.
I've read to do so would be emotional suicide. Even the
happiest of people, and great ones, tend to get quite low from time
to time. So, why should I be any different.
I
do know that when I am in these low moods, and being a cancer survivor, that
negative thinking can run rampant if I allow it. This is the time I
need to stem the flow of negative thoughts before they can gain momentum,
that life is a roller coaster with plenty of ups & downs. Books
have taught me that I'll find, in all cases, that if I ignore or dismiss a
negative thought that fills my mind, a more peaceful feeling is only a
moment away. I, simply, must remind myself that it is only the
thought that is negative, not my life and I feel this way because I am
going through a low time. It is not always easy to get through them,
but being simply aware of them is a first step toward happiness
again.
Most of the time my life is, somewhat, balanced. I'm doing what
I love and loving what I do. But, there are times it gets too hectic
and I need to step back and organize myself. Being so busy, that if
I fell I would not have time to get up, is not good. We win, or
lose, by how we interpret and react to everything that happens.
So,
keep your stick on the ice:
Life
is but a Dream
My
High School class had its dreams of success and wondrous aspirations. Some
had to put our dreams aside because, at 18 years old, life got
in the way and things got complicated.
When
I look at some of my school pictures, I am saddened for those who did not
make it. Some were gone before they had an opportunity to raise a
family and others who were taken when life should have been at its peak of
fulfillment. I can't remember where cancer was, back then, because
it wasn't a word I was familiar with. Death, as I knew it, came
in the guise of accidents, alcohol, or just too darn old.
Of course old ,back then, was 40's or so. Those earlier years
and school friends were another life, a world away. We were
scattered across the globe and only a few of us stayed in touch.
In
reflection, it wasn't until I reached my own 40's that I was
attending more funerals than I like to admit and things started happening
to my health that gave me reason to start taking better care of
myself. Although a lot of those funerals were from cancer it was,
still, not a familiar word in my life. There were plenty of other
health problems to occupy our lives. But that all changed when close
friends were being slowly taken from me, because of cancer.
Then I had my own battle with it, four short years ago.
I
say "short years" because even though I live one day at a time
and have more appreciation for each moment, life should feel like it has
slowed down. It has not. When I take the time to relax
and/or meditate I look back to see that it all seems like a dream.
Today, I'm doing what I love and loving what I do. So, I often
take the time to reflect on my life and how lucky I am to be on the
green side of the grass. I say a prayer of gratitude and one for those
dear sweet friends I thought would never die.
I
feel so fortunate that I have lived to see my children grow and see what
they've become(and I'm so proud of them) and now I'm watching my
grandchildren and how I can be an influence in their growing up.
I
have written on grief and the pain of losing a child. I think
there is no greater pain than to watch an adult child be taken slowly by
cancer(when they should be at the peak of fulfillment) and
stand, helplessly by, as he/she is taken from you.
Cancer, I guess, has always been around in some form or another. Sort
of like our toes. We don't realize they are there, until
someone steps on them.
For
each special friend, I planted a spruce tree on a hill overlooking our
pond where my grandchildren swim and play. I call it "My
Friends Hill". I say hello to them most times as I pass, but
some times I'm in a hurry and forget. I know they understand, that's
life.
Last night I was having my glass of wine, sitting in the swing, with
only the sound of the wind through the trees. It was very peaceful
and the words of a song came to mind that inspired this writing.
"If I could have one wish today and know it would be done. Well
I would say, everyone could stay, til they're too old to die young."
To
My Friend
They found him, on a Sunday morning, hanging from a beam in the basement
of his apartment complex. His job, his house & family were lost
to his alcoholism and he ended his pain. Earlier in the year I
signed legal documents to have police pick him up to prevent him taking
his life. He was released hours later with instructions to get help
for his alcohol abuse. He wasn't angry with me, but told me he would
get it done. He did. I think of him often and I don't think I
have ever forgiven him.
Long after my friend took his life I was diagnosed with cancer. I
can still remember the overwhelming fear that I could die. I can
still remember, like yesterday, when I was in my garage and decided I was
going to beat cancer and live. Any cancer survivor, or those going
through it as I write, can relate to that paralyzing fear we must
face before deciding to live.
Remembering that feeling, prevents me from understanding why another
friend would decide to end his life. At a time when life is wonderful
because of grandchildren, hobbies to keep him busy, friends to
help out, and the list is endless, he would decide that because he has
aches & pains, just doesn't give a damn any more, would then string a
rope over a beam & put it around his neck only to get interrupted
by his neighbor. I reasoned this was a cowards way out. A very
selfish act that is unforgivable, in the very least. Cancer is not picking
off friends fast enough, this one wants to do it himself. I am
losing another friend and I feel helpless. His reasoning is
being dictated by alcohol and he is powerless to change the path
he has chosen.
We
all know that life can, sometimes, be overwhelming. As long as we
keep our wits about us we can break down our big problems into a bunch of
little ones that we can manage more easily. No matter how bad we
think it is today, it can be better tomorrow if you reach out to
those who care about you.
I
wrote these words to my friend and if someone out there is thinking of
ending their life, like my friend, I want you to remember that, when you
were born, you were unique, special and truly wonderful. Yes,
there are other exceptional people out there. But no one can take
your place in people's lives. It's your advice they seek, your hugs
they need, your opinion that matters, your attention they prize, your love
they give thanks for. Stressful times pass so much faster with you
to turn to; celebrations are so much happier when you're there to share
them. Everyone agrees: Thank goodness for you!!!
None of us would choose that path unless it was caused by a mental
illness or some addiction that would alter our thinking. Dying
is easy, there are many ways to die. Living, on the other hand, is
hard and more of a challenge than putting a rope around our neck.
That is why I think it cowardly. Reaching out takes
courage. Admitting you have become powerless and your life
has become unmanageable takes further courage.
Before you reach the end of your rope, my friend, reach out to those
around you. Those that care enough to go that extra mile with you.
There are so many avenues you can choose to address your pain, your
problems, that dying for them is senseless.
No
one can do it for you. It has got to be you. We all know it is
in you. Just reach out and go for it; Take the necessary
steps to bring you back to a life that makes you look forward to
getting up in the morning???
I'll
be here for my friend.................Someone will be there for you.
Radiothon
of Hope
We
had our second annual "Radiothon of Hope" the week of Oct 24th
on our Easy Rock radio station. Anyone who tuned in on those days
had their hearts torn from hearing one story, only to have it lifted
with another. People who have been through(or going through) their
own cancer journey took the time to sit in front of the microphone and
share their stories, with you, in the wish that it would help raise money
for cancer research in Northern Ontario.
Although the main focus was to raise money, it changed some peoples lives
forever because it showed the side of cancer that we don't always see.
Yes we have all been touched by cancer and we have seen the downside
of it, as it ripped dreams to shreds. We've seen families split
because of the tremendous strain. We've seen some turn to religion
as a crutch and those who never got past the anger. But, like an
iceberg, those emotions are only the part you can see. Those who
shared their journeys showed that the good stuff is below the
surface.
Their stories spoke of courage they never realized. Love and support
they never thought possible. Hope and Faith, they would never
think of achieving. They spoke of how their love was never crippled
by it. They showed us how they never allowed it to invade the soul
and how it could never steal eternal life. When friends became
closer and families ever so much more, a family. They showed us that
cancer is only a word.
Throughout the three days, one of the songs that got a lot of airtime was
"Calling All Angels". This whole exercise was broadcast
from our own cancer centre, where angels hang out. You see,
it's the angels who work, or volunteer, there that give compassion a whole
new meaning. Although they are all professionals, and it may be
their calling, it takes someone really special to make hope and faith the
biggest part of their daily aspirations. I am proud to know them and
call them my friends and they have become like my second family.
All
the emotions that were shared through that microphone were generally
followed by a song that fit the story and gave it that little extra
feeling that pulled at the heartstrings. That took tremendous
planning and dedication. The radio announcers that pulled it
off were absolute professionals that made you feel like you were
there with them. They will be, forever, changed by the tremendous
compassion they experienced. They said a lot of wonderful things,
but the one that stayed with me was, "We don't want to see you here,
but if you do get cancer there is no place we'd rather be than
at this center. And it's right here, in
Sudbury
for all of
Northern Ontario
. Just a beautiful place
, with the kind of people that make you feel wonderful."
The
money raised bested last years amount. This shows me
that we have more than our share of caring people.
To our special angels at the cancer centre, I say Thank You from all of
us.
