| HOME |
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Garden
Tour |
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Totems |
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Fairy
Garden |
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Archways |
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Birds |
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Bird
Stations |
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Backyard
Bird List |
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Flowers |
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Main Pond |
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Corner
Pond |
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Waterfall |
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Bathtub
Pond |
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Angel
Statues |
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St. Francis |
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Variety of Statues |
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Odds &
Ends |
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Wildlife |
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Words
of
Wisdom |
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Jokes....
Some Contain Mature Content!! |
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New York
City Trip |
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A Job Application....
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior
citizen submitted to Wal-Mart in Arkansas. They hired him because
he was so funny.
NAME: George Martin
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at
least, one who'll cooperate).
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But
seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be
picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael
Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens
and post-it notes.
REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p. m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to
a more intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be
here?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question
here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may
already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes,
so they tell me.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no, on my breaks - no.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the
Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd
like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF
YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Sagittarius
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